Live blogging

Live blogging
from in front of the TV

North Korea vs. South Korea soccer match
from foggy Bejing

Pre-game
Those white jerseys that the South are sporting look good.

That North star forward (#12) looks like a bad ass, a tough competitor.

Here are the starting lineups. I only recognize one South Korean: 박주영. I haven’t been following the team since last summer’s endless series of 0-0 matches.

Kickoff
I have always liked 박주영. He plays with a lot of poise. He has good balance. He doesn’t panic in front of the net. He’s a good passer.

2:00
The Schaudenfraudist™ in me has long hoped that a controversial result in a North-South soccer match will lead to bitter feelings on one or both sides. Consider the South’s outrage after the referee’s supposed error in the offside call two years ago in the World Cup match. If South Koreans could just take that passion and redirect it as outrage at the human rights abuses in the North, it would be a start.

Why is that faggy Korean comedian with the bleached blonde hair in the news? I can’t stand his phoney smile.

I saw a Harisu video on youporn.com the other night that is still haunting me – in a good way. Her tits are fantastic and the production values of the video are equally good.

How can youporn.com not possibly turn out to be a huge hit, I have to ask.

9:00
Oh, we hit the post. And yes, I am going to use “we” when referring to the South – at least in this match.

Oh, I know 김남일, too.

Please let a controversial call lead to a diplomatic demand for an apology or for redress, which leads to an end of the Sunshine policy and the 6-party talks.

12:00
The finger pointing among the players begins.

Is the North’s manager going to have one of those ubiquitous Kim Jong-il badges?

One N. Korean’s jersey says “A. Young Hak.” Now what the heck is his name? I suggest the following format for Korean names on jerseys: “C.S. Lee” for Lee Chun Soo, “J.Y. Park” for Park Joo Young, etc. C’mon, that’s not that complicated.

15:00
North man down. Is a card coming out? Oh, it’s the tough guy who went down. Walk it off.

A friend of mine once broke both wrists at a skate park. His friend told him to walk it off.

Yes, it was a yellow card for N.K.’s star forward.

16:00
I read where David Beckham is coming to Korea soon for an L.A. Galaxy friendly match. He declined a request to appear on a Korean entertainment show. Smart man. He would be fawned over, oohed and aahed over -- and then made to feel like a monkey.

19:00
Free kick for us. Not far out. #11 on our side looks like he belongs in a boy band.

South Korea 1, North Korea 0

Goal! Nice kick. Right through the gap in the wall that the star forward had been motioning for another N.K. player to move over and fill.

The goal scorer looks like one of the guys in DBSK [boy band].

23:00
Stepped away from the set to crack open a green Heineken can, grab the honey-roasted nuts, and turn on the floor heater. Life doesn’t get much better than this…

…Actually, it does. For other people. My friend is American. His wife is Korean. They live down in Busan. She bought him beer especially for the game. I envy him.

25:00
Let’s not allow a counter-attack goal, guys.

The South Korean jersey names are messed up, too. “Sangho” just threw the ball in. Now what name is that? His two given names combined into one name?

Nice move in front of the goal by our guy. He intentionally let a pass go by him, then spun around his marker and chased the ball down near the goal. We are looking a bit more inventive than usual.

29:00
North threatens attack on South Korea’s goal.

Some pushing and shoving and a yellow card.

The South’s skintight jerseys are a little much.

36:00
Man down. Nice gesture by the North guy to help him up. Oh, it’s boy-band man who went down. Nice haircut, dude.

…And equally good sportsmanship by the South on the throw-in, sending the ball back to the North Koreans.

I wish it were possible to study Korean, watch this game, watch the Harisu video, listen to Joni Mitchell, clean up around the apartment, and chat online with Korean girls all at the same time.

Nice move by our guy in front of the net, sending a sharp left-footed shot at the goalie. Another corner kick for us. We look the better side. (I like slipping into affected British English when watching a football match down the pub.)

Today was slightly warmer. I didn’t feel the need for gloves. The spring can’t come quickly enough. I’m tired of coat, gloves, and hat.

43:00
Thanks to the young Korean guy on the bus today who got my hat back to me. As I got off the bus, someone was loudly calling to someone. I did a quick inventory of what I was carrying and realized I had left my cap on the bus. It occurred to me that the “someone” was calling to me. I knocked on the front door of the bus, which hadn’t quite left the stop yet, and busted out a “모자 잊어버렸어요” before I could even think about it. The Korean guy had carried my cap up from the back of the bus and was there at the door to hand it to me. Nice kid.

End of the first half. Let’s take it to the locker room.

---

Halftime
Over to the Marmot’s Hole and Zenkimchi.com to check the news.

ROK Drop has news that the North requested the return of the 22 boat people. Couldn’t one S.K. soccer player wear an armband with the number 22 on it?

---

Second half
The referee is a good looking guy.

Yellow card for a N.K. player. His name is “Park Jol Chin,” listed on his jersey as “P. Jol Chin.” That makes no sense.

Another card for the North. And he’s pushing the ref. And that’s got to be a red – and it is. Good night. Get out. And start an international incident on your way to the tunnel. It’s the aforementioned P. Jol Chin.

4:00
A dangerous free kick into the box and just inches away from the North man’s reaching boot.

Rob Hughes, IHT soccer scribe, writes in such an affected way. He’d write a sentence like the one above.

You can see the N.K. press coverage of this match falling into place: Their troops were betrayed by a Japanese (or is he Chinese?) referee’s biased decision to send off one of the Motherland’s heroes with an unjust red card.

8:00
I can see us giving up a cheap goal here. But I like our spunk and hustle. Good passing, good ideas. Keep it up, boys.

Let’s bring in #13 for #15. His tight white jersey is unsullied.

9:00
#7 takes a hard fall. Our guys look really young. They’ve got boy band tryouts after the game.

We seem to be playing the ball into the box at will.

Now what? This referee likes the palms-down “calm down” gesture.

13:00
I like our new goalie so much better than Ajeossi Goalie, who is serving his one-year suspension for his shenanigans last summer. In his time off, maybe he can put on a little weight and look even more like an ajeossi.

We looked good there. Park Joo Young led a fast break, sent a nice pass out to the guy on the left, who cut back to lose his defender and then fired a good, hard shot. Didn’t get past the keeper, but nice effort.

Oh, now this is just the kind of thing we have to avoid. We send a substitute on late, lose our focus on the North’s free kick, and the dangerous shot goes just wide.

21:00
I saw a North Korean player smile. Poor people. One can only imagine the daily humiliation of their lives.

Our goalie got the worst of that exchange.

This game is getting sloppy. Not good for us.

22:00
We looked good there. Nice through pass, good cross, a sporting try at a header – but the ball got to the N.K. goalie first.

25:00
Some good passing by the North here. But they are not getting close to the goal.

26:00
We’ve walked it into the box again. Some dodgy defending by the men from hell.

27:00

South Korea 1, North Korea 1

Goal! #12 gets away on a breakaway. That’s exactly the kind of thing I feared. We’ve dominated the game and now it’s 1-1.

29:00
We threaten twice again. North Korea can’t keep South Korean men out of her box.

30:00
Oh, that was a bad call. We get an undeserved free kick just outside the area.

Boy-band man will take this one. It hits the wall. He makes a pained face like he just lost his girlfriend in a music video.

32:00
Sly header into the penalty area by our guy. It would be great if we could get one back here.

35:00
Boy-band man dribbles one just wide and then pats his hair back into place.

39:00
North goalie down hard. Referee is a stickler for keeping the game moving.

41:00
We are four minutes away from a disappointing draw.

42:00
A nasty spill in the area. Let’s hope everyone is all right.

What’s the opposite of “euphonious”? The North Koreans have three players with the rather uneuphonious family name of “리.”

Injury time
The North’s goal scorer goes out on a stretcher.

Oh! Almost got one. Good try. Nice header, and then a good cutback by the shooter, the ubiquitous boy-band man, who is the hub of the South’s attack. I’d download his cheesy ballads any day.

We’ve had regular success with a long kick up to the edge of the area, followed by a backwards header into the box, followed by a shot drilled at the North goalie, who goes down under the attack. But that doesn’t count for anything on the scoreboard.

Final
We had that one and let it go. Get ‘em next time. In Pyeongyang -- at the game where our anthem had better be played. And our flag allowed.